[purity]

should i just let life change me as it goes? cos it definitely has, i've become a composite of all the decisions to questions those distinct events of my life has pushed me to... we're all like that, walking decisions.

i guess, maybe we just have to take life one choice at a time. no use worrying whether we're gonna be a nice person in the future. whether we'll still have all those lovely ideals. maybe at the end of this life, we just gotta look back at tell ourselves that we made the best of all those small decisions we had to make.

i've come to understand that ppl can make bad decisions. and that decision is only bad cos u think of it like that. u think to yourself, if that was me, i'd definitely do the RIGHT thing. but u haven't walked the path the other person has walked. she probably thinks she made the right decision. nobody makes wrong decisions. given two apples and one apple, anyone will take two, if they could. however in life, the decisions unfortunately aren't that simple.

guess that's it. i guess that's why ppl pray to God. they hope they end up somewhere good. that life happens for them. maybe there is truly some force at play behind all this, not just some big automaton throwing dice. miracles. those moments that take our breath away, those blessings.

hmm, but just not ready to throw away the controls.

like sam fisher says, not today.

but with that, there's also the burden i must continue to bear.