[what makes u any better?]

just one of those deep emotional episodes that always come during exams. maybe its just exam stress expressing itself via my other insecurities, issues.

think i should try to figure out new ways to improve my means of studying. AFTER the exams.

u know, sometimes pride gets the better of you. u just wanna stick to your way. obstinately.

and i guess the constant pressure to BE THE CHANGE, to do the right thing, has made me somewhat, screwy. maybe the word is self-righteous, though google doesn't seem to enlighten me sufficiently on the meaning of the word. the words, the words, they make all the difference (a simple few words by a fren made me elevate her to the highest levels of my respect and concern). back to the self-righteousness, it just makes u kinda detached from things. like the correct decision has already been made, its just whether u want to follow it. in a way, u become a slave to things beyond you, although u yourself have yet to make that transcendance, look beyond the trivial things that you're not supposed to be bothered with. its the trivial things that do matter, yet u should learn to let them pass.

just feel like tearing everything down and starting with nothingness. get rid of all that pride, holier than thou bullshit, just see things for what they are instead of what they should be. i guess that means we still dream. the big dreams. but u don't let the dream dictate your life?

figure this out soon.